Pretending Hurts.

Pretending hurts ________________. Fill in the blank. Pretending helps NO ONE, including the pretender.

My friend Amy has addressed a destructive root problem that limits relationships, hinders spiritual growth, and confuses people sincerely seeking the Lord. Amy provides some guidelines that are very helpful, and kindly gave me permission to share here.

“Critics never want to be alone. They always want company.

They always want someone around to make them feel validated and understood. The trouble is they have a hard time finding those people because all critics have one thing in common- they are great pretenders.

I have known some great pretenders in my life-people who look you in the eye and make you feel like you are one of the greatest people who have ever lived! Behind your back though, it’s a different story.

The Bible word for this is “dissembler.”

The Dissembler, also known as- The Great Pretender.

Proverbs 26 tells us,
“He that hateth dissembleth with his lips, and layeth up deceit within him;
When he speaketh fair, believe him not for there are seven abominations in his heart.
Whose hatred is covered by deceit, his wickedness shall be showed before the whole congregation.”

A quick glance at the word “dissemble” would lead us to believe that it’s describing someone who tears things apart. While that is the end result, a dissembler is one who feigns love for someone else. They are fake, phony, and disingenuous.

Pretending hurts the people around you.
Pretending hurts the work God is trying to do in those around you.

The following is a list of five lessons regarding dissembling:

1 – Don’t pretend to love someone when you have hatred in your heart for them – deal with it.


2 – Once someone reveals his hatred, keep your guard up when you hear his flattery.


3 – If you insist on pretending, expect for the wickedness in your heart to be revealed.


4 – Once a pretender proves himself, keep your distance, but pray for him.


5 – Regularly present yourself to the Lord for examination of any pretense in your own heart.

The holidays are difficult for many people who grew up with or around dissemblers.

This Christmas may genuine love, and not pretense, rule the day.

After all, that’s how Christ loves us.”


Mrs. Amy Vassak, Pastor’s Wife at Northeast Baptist Church, Danbury, CT

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